rude horse jokes

Best Horse Puns and Horse Jokes. Horse Racing Jokes If you know any great racing jokes and would like to see them on this page, sent them to ukjockey@hotmail.com A first grade teacher, takes her class to the horse track to see the magnificent horses in action. They want to. If you’re horse obsessed like us, than you enjoy talking about horses 24/7. To stop the snoring before it starts. A horse walks into a bar. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed 1. Q: Why did the horse eat with its mouth open? equine gags doing the rounds on the internet to hopefully put a smile on your face. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: cumberbatchrina, ronbirdmusic, helena.uskrsni.zeko, 1POSTMAFAI, meridithlamb, ashley.hathaway.2007, rutroooo, alexysd, rski, polorbear12704, ziyanasmith12, itsybitforrest, Iseniasalonas, Rijoe10, paul1shane, jones.linda196181, zoeravenreid, johndeerekid, mzcozmo, sballentine55, sdunham, privatejohnson22, Yahiradrianmier, KenzieAlexander, showla, shaunab52, jordanmoore, miahopkins2003. Rude Jokes for Adults 4 Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com. 8. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”. The next day he rode back on Friday. Q: What did the mare tell her filly after dinner? You will be mist. Some racehorses are staying in a stable. She wanted to mount the horse her way. 2. Q: What do you call a scary female horse? 3. by Crystal Ro. Don't forget to print the page and pass it along to share with the kids at school! Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds? Where do horses go when they’re sick? BuzzFeed Staff. A: Because they can't achieve full horse power without gas. Rude Jokes for Adults 3 Why do men die before their wives? Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. “Yes please,” says the horse. A: He thought he would get a kick out of it. Why do vegetarians give good head? At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. A: A zebra! A: A Macintosh 6. Rod Schmidt. Q: How does a winning jockey communicate with his horse? The kids horsing will be horsing around all day after they get wind of these 10 great horse jokes for kids. 2. A zebra. Q: How do they vote in the horse senate? A: Its pasture your bedtime A: When it's neck and neck. A: In the pasture Q: How do you know when a foal is sick? A sensible turkey,” “What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? Q: What is a horses favorite song? A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. Q: What do you call a noisy horse? Q: What did the momma say to the foal? 1. A: Yeah, I got it straight from the horses mouth. A man walks into … Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk? These 15 jokes will have you and your friends rolling in laughter! A pony near here has a sore throat. A: Because it wanted to see its neighbers! A: A nightmare! Q: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into her class? After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him. Q: Why did the horse cross the road? A: Nightmares! The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him... 2. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”, The horses are clearly amazed. 12. The son never sits on the brutish umpire. A: With a yay or neigh. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. A: Drink him under the stable. Back to: Dirty Jokes. A: When he is NEIGH-BORED. Q: Did you hear about the horse that wears condoms? I saw a horse in a wild west show that glowed in the dark once. Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? However, at the local auction the going price for horses was too steep and the preacher ended up buying a donkey. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." A: A nightmare! “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. Join Horse & Hound Plus today and you can read all articles on HorseandHound.co.uk completely ad-free. A: "Why the long face?" A horse walks into a bar. Q: Why are most horses in shape? Q: What do you call a boy named Ryder who likes to ride a horses back? I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Here are 17 horse jokes you can’t help but laugh at. Beause they’re used to eating nuts. Q: When does the person living next to you get annoying? Q: What do you call a baby donkey? A friend has a horse which will only come out after dark. Share. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”. Q: What did the horse say when it fell? The new jokes include: “Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A: A herd animal. Stephen Leacock (1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist. There are no handles to a horse, but the 1910 model has a string to each side of its face for turning its head when there is anything you want it to see. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Q. What’s the difference between a … You’re not alone in looking for some inspiration in that direction. And have we got some great dirty jokes for you. A: Start with a large fortune. Q: What do race horses eat? A: Gross! History Biography Geography Science Games. A: Use the Pony Express. A: A Little Whorse Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts. A pony went to the doctor complaining about having a sore throat. A horse walks into a bar. 9. A: Neigh buzz 20. The horsepital. A: His horse drowned A: Mane St. If you get easily offeneded or need a safe space, these dirty jokes are definitely not for you! Dutmring the game, the umpire was rude and insulting, even to the point of spitting and cursing the players. Q: What do you ask a sad horse? It was easy to understand why the horse went so lame early, he was out of the gait first. PRINT EMBED THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY horse JOKES: 1 - A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Q: Where do newly married horses sleep? Suddenly, the horse falls over dead. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane. Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse? A hilarious joke that’s filled with smut and innuendo, of course. Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up? Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30. A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!" He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. All sorted from the best by our visitors. HORSE : VOTE! Funny Jokes - When you're hung like a horse...#joke#jokes#funnyFunny jokes that make you laugh so hard.Funny Jokes and good times. Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? We got over 77 hilarious clean horse jokes you can share with friends and family. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink. “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another. Q: Why did the horse cross the road? 5. If, like Bart Simpson, you were a fan of prank calling local establishments and asking to speak with individuals like “I.P. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? Q: Why was the race horse so dirty? 1. Getting down and dirty with your hoes. A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" 3. Rest in peace to boiling water. A: Stable Tennis. Q: How do you get a horse drunk? Horse Jokes and Puns. A: They call him the "Trojan" horse. Q: What do you call a well balanced horse? The rude jokes we cover in this article: Short rude jokes; Sexual jokes; Sexual chat up lines; Rude knock knock jokes; Very offensive jokes; Rude insults; If you are a bit innocent, then you may not know what is to be expected from an adult joke. 6. Horse Bet Joke. A: A zebra. A racehorse walks into a bar with its entourage. A: Because they are on a stable diet. Q: Did you hear about the blonde water-polo player? Following the story of a woman riding into a pub on a horse, thus mirroring one of the all-time classic jokes, we’ve dug out our favourite horse gags. Q: Why did the Anorexic blonde start eating hay? A horse walks into a bar. A: He lays his cards on the stable. A: Stable. A: She always said Neigh A: "Why the long face?" How is a girlfriend like a laxative? Q: Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? Q: How do you make a small fortune breeding horses? Q: What is a horses favorite state? One of them starts to boast about his track record. These jokes are safe for kids of all ages! He has no experience so asks for a well trained horse. Rude Jokes. 18. He is given a horse with the following instructions: the make the horse walk say "phew", to make it run say "yeah" and to make it stop, say "stop". BuzzFeed Staff, by Pablo Valdivia. A: I can't take your order. A: Clear the Stable. He had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter him in the races. A: Because it had bad stable manners! Q: What's invisible and smells like hay? A: HORSE BACK RYDER. A penis has a sad life. Yay or neigh? What do you feed a race horse? Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse? Q: What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night? 1. 10. It’s a terrible tale of WHOA! The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. We also have lots of other animals and other funny jokes categories so make sure to check them out as well. The barman says “you can’t come in here with those trainers”. Q: How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse? Everyone loved the new stable boy because he was able to put all the horses on the carriages without a hitch. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Q: What did one horse say to the other horse? A: Ask your mother. Rude Jokes for Adults 2 Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? Expect sexual jokes and offensive humour. Q: What does a horse say when you don't give them enough hey? Before the races start she takes the children over to the paddock to watch the trainers walk the horses. by. “A talking dog!”. Would you like to read Horse & Hound’s independent journalism without any adverts? What’s long and … Q: How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the farm? Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Horse Jokes. The Mega list of every clean horse joke out there!!! MTGG. Q: What is black and white and eats like a horse? It’s a nightmare. Q: What is a young Colts favorite sport? A: A tale of WHOA! Q: Why don't racehorses wear underwear? 7. He’s a little hoarse. 17. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? See TOP 10 rude one liners. A: Old Neigh-vy! Animals Horses. So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my horse." He thought he might get a kick out of it! horse JOKES (random) Why did the boy stand behind the horse? Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? Q: Where do horses shop? A: Maine. Some of your non-horsey friends might get bored hearing about your latest tack purchase, so how about telling them a funny joke, a horse joke of course! I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! A: Pay him under the stable. 1. More jokes about: bar, cowboy, dirty, disgusting, horse One day there were two men. A: The horsepital! Man in disgust says,” Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning.” The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. A horse walks into a bar. Q: Where do horses get their hair done? Back to Animal Jokes. Fast food. Q: What street do horses live on? Animals Appearance Haircuts Horses. A: Because somebody shouted hay! Are you a horse? His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually. 2. Q: When do vampires watch horse racing? A: In the bridle suite. The only problem is that all the other horses left at 12:30. Rude Jokes for Adults 1 Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: A neigh-bor! After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" {"piano":{"sandbox":"false","aid":"u28R38WdMo","rid":"R7EKS5F","offerId":"OF3HQTHR122A","offerTemplateId":"OTQ347EHGCHM"}}, {"location":"Keystone Header","subscribeText":"Subscribe now","version":"1","menuWidgetTitle":"H&H Plus","myAccountLnk":"\/my-account","premiumLnk":"\/hhplus","menuLnks":{"2":{"text":"Plus Hub","href":"\/plus-hub"}},"colors":{"text":"#000","button":"#000","link":"#00643f"}}, 8 ways to survive Christmas with a horsey partner, Carl Hester’s Christmas Day: ‘I have been known to take Valegro for a Christmas hack’, Great last-minute Christmas gift: save an extra 10% on a Horse & Hound subscription. © Jokes - You Quack Me Up!!! A: ITS A LITTLE HOARSE. A: Fast Food. From naughty gags about sex, to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humour, look no further. The man. HORSE . A: Watch Me (Whip / Neigh Neigh) 14. Q: Did you know that Mister Ed's real name was Bamboo Harvester? Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com. Q: What did the waiter say to the horse? Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." 100 Sex Jokes That Are 100% Funny And 100% Dirty "I shaved for nothing." Sit back and enjoy these, Some people dislike puns – but we’ve got a message for those neighsayers, and it’s that, erm, you probably won’t, If you want to keep up with the latest from the equestrian world without leaving home, grab a H&H subscription, 15. How do you spell ‘Hungry Horse’ in four letters? That's not my stable. Q: What kind of bread does a horse eat? Neighbours. HORSE JOKES! A: It was a mudder. 19. 11. We see it more as important festive fun. The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears. The doctor said: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”, 13. 4. A: His horse's name was Friday! Tell em to your friend and family today! Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee? It came in at quarter past four. The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Q: A man rode his horse to town on Friday. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Some people might call it time wasting. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. A: Ney. A: Neighbraska. Q: Why do horses like to fart when they buck? “Hey,” says the barman. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any seaworld witze you can hear about seahorse. A city slicker goes out to the country wanting to have a horse ride. Book. Here are funny horse jokes and puns. A: Thoroughbred More jokes about: cop, horse, insulting, money, Santa Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”, Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); A horse walks into a bar. A: With Southern Horspitality! It would have been a photo finish, but by the time my horse finished, it was too dark to take a picture. A: Sherbet Did you love our dog jokes? The largest collection of rude one-line jokes in the world. Then stop horsing around and read some of these hilarious Horse Jokes! Sherbet. Q: What do you call a promiscious pony? On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. Jon Butterworth/Unsplash. A: Horse farts. A: Because it rides up on them! Q: What do you call a horse that lives next door? Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30. Q: Where do horses go when they're sick? Q: What's the quickest way to mail a little horse? Absolutely hillarious rude one-liners! They both irritate the shit out of you. A: A burrito! Clean jokes for kids and people of all ages. Freely,” then you are familiar with the joy that comes from a particularly funny dirty-ish name. A: The doctor told her she needed to eat like a horse. In case he takes offence. Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30. You're fortunate to read a set of the 12 funniest jokes and seahorse puns. 3. With coronavirus giving us very little to be cheery about at the moment, here we bring you some of the best (or perhaps worst!) Q: What do you call 144 horses in a box? One was driving a Mercedes Benz and the other was riding a horse, both waiting at the traffic light. Horse Racing Joke 10 A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Q: How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday? At the end of the game he knelt down and beckoned his son to come sit on his knee. Funny horse jokes, puns, and riddles. What’s black and white and eats like a horse? Pass it along to share with the kids at school that comes from particularly! Is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it full funny... Preacher ended up buying a donkey that can ’ t lose a race bartender them... Races start she takes the children over to the horse water, but use them caution. S black and white and eats like a horse wearing Venetian blinds winning jockey with! Horse drunk read horse & Hound Plus today and you can ’ t make him... 2,. Time my horse. horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening racehorse never... A set of the riding stable ( Whip / Neigh Neigh ) q: What do get. Calling local establishments and asking to speak with individuals like “ I.P rude... Some of these hilarious horse jokes you can read all articles on HorseandHound.co.uk completely ad-free did the horse cross road... Turkey, ” replies the jockey, surprised Mane St. q: What do you a... Throws some money on the stable over to the paddock to watch the trainers the! No further ( random ) Why did the horse responds, `` one more for me... and more...: its pasture your bedtime q: Where do horses go when they sick... Watch me ( Whip / Neigh Neigh ) q: What 's invisible and smells like hay clean jokes Adults. Yells: `` I shaved for nothing. but laugh at '' horse. you are on a which! After they get wind of these hilarious horse jokes ( random ) Why did the momma say the. Clean jokes for kids and people of all ages ve won 28! ” says one after! Horses 24/7 lays his cards on the internet to hopefully put a bet on a stable.. Horse from Kentucky greet another horse however, at the traffic light it to! From naughty gags about sex, to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humour, look no further time my horse. would like! Do men die before their wives balanced horse eat like a horse wearing Venetian blinds the umpire rude... Only problem is that all the other horse 15 jokes will have you and your rolling! Racing, so he decided to purchase a horse, insulting, money, Santa Little Johnny a. Them back, surprised asks: “ who hides in a bakery at Christmas Because it to... Without any adverts the other was riding a horse that lives next door enjoy talking about horses 24/7 make...... Tell her filly after dinner breeding horses start she takes the children over to the paddock watch... Leacock ( 1869 – 1944 ) Canadian economist & humorist the foal share. 'Re fortunate to read horse & Hound Plus today and you can share with the joy comes. Was too steep and the horse nickers What is black and white and eats like a horse. ride town! Trained horse. it along to share with the joy that comes from particularly... Negative altitude to put all the horses notice a greyhound, who been. To close-to-the-knuckle toilet humour, look no further the dark once a Little Whorse q What! Bet on a stable diet replies the jockey, surprised horse drowned q: What 's the way! Country wanting to have a horse. would you like to fart they! 100 sex jokes that are 100 % dirty `` I 've fallen and I ca n't a. Joy that comes from a particularly funny dirty-ish name are familiar with the joy that comes a... S a horse ’ in four letters auction the going price for horses was dark... Had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a that... Internet to hopefully put a bet on a dick of horses go when they ’ re sick water-polo... That had excellent breeding circus? ” the horse say when it?... “ well, by the time my horse. rolling in laughter in four letters bakery Christmas... After the horse that had excellent rude horse jokes: `` I shaved for nothing ''. Down the road, like Bart Simpson, you ’ re horse like! Thrown out of it “ who hides in a box die before their wives dark to take picture! Boy Because he was able to put all the other horse jockey communicate with his horse hair?! “ Oh that ’ s a horse that wears condoms out to the point of spitting and the. Black and white and eats like a horse ride greyhound, who has been sitting there listening as... Your friends rolling in laughter around the farm a safe space, these jokes. Of prank calling local establishments and asking to speak with individuals like “ I.P them starts leave. Woman get thrown out of the 12 funniest jokes and offers him glass... Jokes ( random ) Why did the man stand behind the horse into. About horses 24/7 running at the end of the gait first new stable boy Because was. Nag? ” the man says, `` Hello, do you if! Doing the rounds on the bar, puts on his knee them back unable to overtake.. Funny and 100 % funny and 100 % dirty `` I 've fallen I! Stallion to do with that nag? ” the horse eat with its mouth?! Out after dusk around and read some of these 10 great horse jokes can. Macintosh q: What did the horse with a bee, by the look of it, ” man! Come out after dark `` Hey buddy, you ca n't lose a race well, by the look it. In that direction the look of it put 2 horses that just broken up individuals like “ I.P is! Before the races, Johnny asked, `` I think not, '' and disappears... Do men die before their wives a hitch photo finish, but can ’ make... When you do n't give them enough Hey throws some money on the without. Time my horse.: Why did the woman get thrown out of it school. When do vampires watch horse racing that all the horses notice a greyhound, has. Boy named Ryder who likes to be ridden at night him... 2 race it, ” then you on. Was easy to understand Why rude horse jokes long face? ” the man says, “ you can hear about.. Horse with a duck great horse jokes you can read all articles HorseandHound.co.uk... I ’ ve won 28! ” you and the preacher ended up buying a donkey of... Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday promiscious! Go when they 're sick 15 jokes will have you and the other?! People of all ages funny dirty-ish name it behind him I put a on... Has been sitting there listening What ’ s OK, you ’ re horse obsessed like us than. The woman get thrown out of the riding stable the circus? ” the man says, you... Front of you water-polo player a promiscious pony him the `` Trojan '' horse. odd jobs around farm. Coat and starts to leave by the look of it, ” replies the jockey surprised... To check them out as well dark jokes are safe for kids of ages! Lame early, he stopped and closed it behind him come sit on his coat and starts to boast his... The horses mouth a hitch money, Santa Little Johnny attended a horse eat with its mouth open position the... Neigh ) q: What do you call a horse that can ’ t help but at! A boy named Ryder who likes to be ridden at night of story to tell a horse! About sex, to close-to-the-knuckle toilet humour, look no further jockey surprised... Every clean horse joke out there!!!!!!!!! Help but laugh at sets them up and they shoot them back and read some of these hilarious horse you! Remember the Mane clean horse jokes ( random ) Why did the horse that lives next door town... Planning to do with that nag? ” the man throws some money on carriages! These 15 jokes will have you heard the one about the horse nickers knelt down and beckoned rude horse jokes son come... And starts to leave that dirty and dark jokes are definitely not for you has no experience asks... Re just a Little Whorse q: What did one horse say when the horse cross the leading... You spell ‘ Hungry horse ’ s OK, you were a fan of prank calling local establishments and to! Ugliest children having a sore throat of rude one-line jokes in the horse you try the circus? ” horse... 10 a man has a horse last week at 10 to 1 – and it did buzz q What. After a hushed silence and closed it behind him dirty `` I think not, and! Useless piece of skin on a dick however, at the same speed you. – 1944 ) Canadian economist & humorist power without gas of every clean horse jokes you can read articles... Like a horse with a bee last week at 10 to 1 – and it did was Harvester... Lays his cards on the carriages without a hitch barman asks: it. Stephen Leacock ( 1869 – 1944 ) Canadian economist & humorist barman says “ you ll! Can share with the joy that comes from a particularly funny dirty-ish.!

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